Back In The Saddle

It's been a minute or months since I've actually written here. I've been
round and round the mountain with my eating habits. Being "free" and
"The Maker's Diet". I did really well with both of them for a while. I
even got down to my lowest at 275lbs at one point.

It though had very little room for moderation. I was either depriving
myself or being uncontrollably gluttonous. Eventually maybe, but
for someone who was never really taught to eat to live, it just seemed
chaotic.

But truthfully The Carbohydrate Addicts Diet Works for me best. It's a
plan to live by, a long hall plan. I did learn a lot on the others so I'll
attempt to add those things to my way of eating.

I'll eat more "whole" foods, and less processed. More nuts less meat.
Smoothies for dinner to get in extra fruits and veggies. I was having them
for breakfast but the influx of sugars, natural or not, still gives me cravings
for more carbs.

So yesterday was my official restart day and I weighed in at a whopping
292.3 but today I it was 289.8! I'll try to be a bit more faithful, at least
weekly.

Huggzz

In Memory of a Mother

Kathy Garner Beeler

It is hard to encompass in words, a being as full as Kathy. I've known 

and loved her since I was 11, which is just about three quarters of my 
life.

Kathy has a servant’s heart. Whatever she does, it is with the right 
intent and purpose…well, at least most of the time! She is humble 
and detailed, doing all things as if doing it for the L’rd Himself.

Every challenge that I have witnessed her take on, she has done with 
strength and resolve. Not letting things deter her from her objective. 
If there is a stumbling block she will either find another direction, or 
simply plow through and not forget to sweep up the pieces.

Selflessly, Kathy mentors, witnesses, and counsels others. She mothers, 
nurses, protects, shelters, directs, and loves. Over the past thirty years I 
have been blessed beyond measure by these attributes that dwell in the 
spirit of Kathy.

She brought me in, nurtured my spirit, confided in me and I in her.  She 
taught me how to be a better person. Though I was not knit in her womb, 
I can without hesitation call her “Momma.”

Her distinctive personality can light up a room, or clear it. She can hold 
a poker face that will make Kenny Rodgers question his royal flush.

If you are close to Kathy, you also know her as The Penguin. She was 
pegged this name by one of the quirky coincidences that you so often 
partake in, when you have a mom like her.

·         Penguins are birds, but they cannot fly. However, they are expert at 
swimming and they walk faster than human beings. Kathy also has 
stealth, and can sneak up on you before you know what you are in 
for.

·         Penguins are social birds and live in large groups called colonies. 
This is true, if you are in, you are family.

·         Penguins communicate with each other through their body language. 
She has this trait down pat and you can always tell when she is on a 
mission. Jaw jutted out, shoulders forward, and wind in her hair. You 
also know, without a doubt or word when you are in trouble.

·        Penguins cannot swim backwards, maybe that’s why she has always 
plunged forward, head first.

·       Parents and chicks use their superb hearing to easily keep track of one 
another even in a crowd. She always knew when we were in trouble, 
and we always knew where to run if we were. It is her keen knowledge 
of the bible that reminds us where to run now.

She is intelligent, quick witted, and has a giggle that to this day echoes in 
my head. 

Kathy has had an invaluable impact on me, as well as so many others. My 
children love her like a grandmother and she loves them.

I could not have hand-picked a better role model for my life. She has imparted 
many priceless values that otherwise I would not have.

She sets the bar for us kids so high, that often we never reach it. You never 
quite know if it is a setup, or if she just sees something more in us than what 
we see in ourselves. We continue to reach though, simply because we love her. 
And when we make her smile, the world lights up.

You may be a little confused as to why I have written this in present tense. Our 

hearts ache because we cannot see her with our eyes, hear her with our ears. 
We miss her greatly and we are saddened by her absence in our day to day 
life.

But our comfort is in this… that May 23^rd of this year was not the end of Kathy’s 

journey. Her love and proclamation of J’sus as a savior renders her a greater 

promise. She is alive, fully alive. What we know in part, she now knows in full.

Any earthly trial, worry, or sorrow is not even a memory. She is now complete. 

She has not only tasted His excellence, she now dwells in it. Basking in His 

goodness, His perfection. She is experiencing what unconditional love is.

We can speculate that heaven is a bit more lively and intriguing with her there, 

to say the least. We can picture in our minds the embrace she experienced 

when her father, Gigi, and Crystal welcomed her.

I know that no matter how much I have prepared to say, it could never do 

Kathy justice. My story will always fall short of all she has to offer, all that 

she has been, all that she is now.

We can’t pick up the phone and call, we cannot sit down and have dinner with 
her. We have a cohort missing in the ranks. We will have to wait to form another 
great conspiracy.It will be a little while before we can once again feel her arms 
around our neck, but we are convinced that it will indeed happen.

Think on this and be glad for her. How wonderfully flawless she became when 
she was ushered into G’d’s presence by angels and heard these words: “Well 
done, good and faithful servant. Come and share your master’s happiness!” 

Friends

 The other day I heard someone I think is very beautiful say, "I finally have pictures that I don't hate myself in." I related so well (because I often think the same thing), but it hurt me to the core. We all need to find our worth. What makes something valuable? How rare it is, and how much is someone willing to pay for it. J'sus and his blood was the most valuable commodity on this earth, and G'd found you so precious that He sent J'sus to shed his blood for you. You have been purchased, by the most priceless thing ever created. You are not bound by your upbringing, your parents, or any curse *if you have surrendered to Him.* You are unique, consider your fingerprints and your retinas...there is only one you, and that makes you rare! 1 Peter 1:13-23 Much love to you today, you were knit in secret, and you are His masterpiece!! I am so thankful that G'd created you!

Complete Surrender

I write to you today, that I am completely surrendered to the WILL OF G'D.

I have banished the scale, I truly have no idea where I am on the scale. I have no
plans as to when I will get back on one. I am learning to be free.

I am erasing every worldly perception as to how I am to act, eat, etc. I can not
live a life with half of me and half of Him. It doesn't work that way. I already
know that all me doesn't work, so I have to trust that all Him will.

I tried to mix the Carbohydrate Addicts Diet and the Maker's Diet. That does
not work. I kept hearing in the back of my brain, you are still not being free.
You are still doing this with you. 

I have to stop telling myself lies.
LIE...
I have no control.
TRUTH...
2 Timothy 1:7  For God has not given us a spirit of fear and 
timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

2 Peter 1: 3-9  His divine power has granted to us all things 
that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge 
of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by 
which he has granted to us his precious and very great 
promises, so that through them you may become partakers 
of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption 
that is in the world because of sinful desire. 5 For this very 
reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with 
virtue,[e] and virtue with knowledge, 6 and knowledge with 
self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and 
steadfastness with godliness,7 and godliness with brotherly 
affection, and brotherly affection with love. 8 For if these 
qualities[f] are yours and are increasing, they keep you 
from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our 
Lord Jesus Christ. 9 For whoever lacks these qualities is so 
nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was 
cleansed from his former sins.


So I am sorry, if you feel as though I have let you down. I have no idea exactly
where this road goes, except that it's going to a good place. I believe that the bible
is the infallible WORD OF G'D. I have already proven a million times over, my
plans are not good plans and that the worlds plans are not good plans.

I want balance. I want freedom. I want good for me and my family. I do not want
the worry and fear anymore. I do not want my children growing up with the world's
perception of what is right or wrong. Whether they are fat, or pretty, or complete.

I am not a number on a scale! My beauty comes from within and shines out!

I started a notebook today With 4 keys of becoming "Truly Beautiful." Start one
for yourself!

KEYS:

#1 Renew Your Mind (to what the bible says you are what you have, and what you
                                  can do. This requires work. Get into the word and write down
                                  every promise that pertains to you.)
#2 Recognize Your Lies ( write down every lie you tell yourself. I am fat, I am ugly, I
                                      have a lazy spirit, I am ugly on the inside, I have bad hair, I
                                      can't manage my household chores, I'm tired, I don't feel good,
                                      this hurts, I can not get through to my kids...what ever you are
                                      saying that directly contradicts what the word says)
#3 Take Every Thought Captive (Every time you hear a contrary thought back it up by
                                      speaking what The Word says. Example: Thought 'I am 
                                      ugly' say out loud "I am beautifully and wonderfully 
                                      made PS 139:14)
#4 Change Your Confessions (replace every lie with truth. Confess them every
                                      morning, noon, and night. What you have today is what
                                      you said yesterday. So what you say today you will have
                                      tomorrow. What you say determines what you believe.)

I love you. I hope that you can forgive me for being double minded. I just need to
find the right path and I am willing to share it... GOOD OR BAD!

HUGGZZ

Not #100days...It's a Lifetime

After seeking His will about this #100 thing, I realized there was no way that
I could do it without glorifying myself, or simply the things that He does. It is
not 100 days, it's a life time.

I prepared a video, so that I could speak directly to you.

I will be posting my food again as of tomorrow.

HUGGZ

#100 Starts Tomorrow?

I initially thought that I was ready to just jump on the band wagon and do this
100 day thing. I tried to grabbed the bull by the horns a little too quickly. It was
really silly to try and do this on a Sabbath for one.

My challah bread came out so beautifully last night! It took me several tries, but I may
actually have it down now. I go a little extra for our Shabbat dinners, and avoiding the
spread would have been a bit painful!

I also didn't think about having guest tonight for dinner. I just am not just going to
serve them a whole food meal! I am going to dote on them being with us. I also am
not going to deprive myself.

To  fully think this out, I am thinking that Sunday is a better day to actually
start. I also am thinking that I should have a back up plan for days that provide
stumbling blocks, like next week's event at church.

So, in my heart of hearts, I am planning on giving this 120%. As I go from carb
addict, to a completely delivered person...In J'sus Name. I don't want to gain weight
during this transformation either.

I tried six times this morning to make a video for you, I have found another area
in my life that could use some work! Yea! Public speaking! Hee Hee

Have an awesome day!
HUGGZ

#100DAYS

Last night I was watching this video of a mom and daughter duo committing to
100 days of fitness. I thought 'hmm, I love a challenge.' I made a list of things
that are changing or still need changing in my life.

*Less of me, more of Him.
*Weight loss.
*Deliverance of addictions (food and tobacco)
*Becoming a G'dly mother and wife.
*Effectively ministering to and loving the people around me.

It also got me to thinking, about how many days it takes to form a habit, or
even break a habit. Some say twenty-one days, some say more like 266 days.
One hundred is right there almost in the middle.

I had a verse to meditate on last night, Romans 8:37 ( Nay, in all these 
things we are more than conquerors through Him that 
loved us.) Through out the night 100 possibilities of 100 days ran through my
brain.

During prayer this morning, it was revealed that this was my own en devour.
That it was good, and permissible, but this is my idea. If I am to fail, He will still be
here to pick me up. I want G'd to be glorified through every I set myself to do,
because He is the power within me.

So how about #100 days of setting Him before me? As I approached this take
on it, I sensed His presence.  So for the next #100 days:

*I will continue to seek His face. Developing a relationship with the author of my
life. (2-3 hours a day reading, meditating, and hearing His word. No secular movies,
shows, music etc.) Just constantly putting Him first, listening to praise music through
out the day as I am doing chores or writing to you.

*Continue to seek out and confess over myself, His truth. Aspiring to only eat
unprocessed, whole foods...that fuel my body. I will only drink water, coffee,
lemon water, cucumber water, etc. No sugar.

*Every week I will add 5 minutes to my exercise, starting at 15 minutes today.

*Every week I will smoke one less cigarette a day. Yesterday I smoked seven,
I think, but today and though the rest of the week I will limit myself to 6, then
next week 5. I almost feel as this is a silly ambition, because I know that I have
already been delivered from the actual addiction, so I am expecting any day for
it to disappear from my sight anyways.

Romans 12:1-2 says: I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the 
mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, 
holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed 

by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that 

good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

This is my focus passage for this 100 days. If anyone wants to tag along, let me know.

I would be especially interested what He is doing in your life also! 

Here is my Day 1 video. It was actually the first video I think I've ever made of

myself, so please be kind. Remember I am not perfect. I am not trying to be. I am 

just a work in progress. 

Have an awesome day! HUGGZZ