Back In The Saddle

It's been a minute or months since I've actually written here. I've been
round and round the mountain with my eating habits. Being "free" and
"The Maker's Diet". I did really well with both of them for a while. I
even got down to my lowest at 275lbs at one point.

It though had very little room for moderation. I was either depriving
myself or being uncontrollably gluttonous. Eventually maybe, but
for someone who was never really taught to eat to live, it just seemed
chaotic.

But truthfully The Carbohydrate Addicts Diet Works for me best. It's a
plan to live by, a long hall plan. I did learn a lot on the others so I'll
attempt to add those things to my way of eating.

I'll eat more "whole" foods, and less processed. More nuts less meat.
Smoothies for dinner to get in extra fruits and veggies. I was having them
for breakfast but the influx of sugars, natural or not, still gives me cravings
for more carbs.

So yesterday was my official restart day and I weighed in at a whopping
292.3 but today I it was 289.8! I'll try to be a bit more faithful, at least
weekly.

Huggzz

In Memory of a Mother

Kathy Garner Beeler

It is hard to encompass in words, a being as full as Kathy. I've known 

and loved her since I was 11, which is just about three quarters of my 
life.

Kathy has a servant’s heart. Whatever she does, it is with the right 
intent and purpose…well, at least most of the time! She is humble 
and detailed, doing all things as if doing it for the L’rd Himself.

Every challenge that I have witnessed her take on, she has done with 
strength and resolve. Not letting things deter her from her objective. 
If there is a stumbling block she will either find another direction, or 
simply plow through and not forget to sweep up the pieces.

Selflessly, Kathy mentors, witnesses, and counsels others. She mothers, 
nurses, protects, shelters, directs, and loves. Over the past thirty years I 
have been blessed beyond measure by these attributes that dwell in the 
spirit of Kathy.

She brought me in, nurtured my spirit, confided in me and I in her.  She 
taught me how to be a better person. Though I was not knit in her womb, 
I can without hesitation call her “Momma.”

Her distinctive personality can light up a room, or clear it. She can hold 
a poker face that will make Kenny Rodgers question his royal flush.

If you are close to Kathy, you also know her as The Penguin. She was 
pegged this name by one of the quirky coincidences that you so often 
partake in, when you have a mom like her.

·         Penguins are birds, but they cannot fly. However, they are expert at 
swimming and they walk faster than human beings. Kathy also has 
stealth, and can sneak up on you before you know what you are in 
for.

·         Penguins are social birds and live in large groups called colonies. 
This is true, if you are in, you are family.

·         Penguins communicate with each other through their body language. 
She has this trait down pat and you can always tell when she is on a 
mission. Jaw jutted out, shoulders forward, and wind in her hair. You 
also know, without a doubt or word when you are in trouble.

·        Penguins cannot swim backwards, maybe that’s why she has always 
plunged forward, head first.

·       Parents and chicks use their superb hearing to easily keep track of one 
another even in a crowd. She always knew when we were in trouble, 
and we always knew where to run if we were. It is her keen knowledge 
of the bible that reminds us where to run now.

She is intelligent, quick witted, and has a giggle that to this day echoes in 
my head. 

Kathy has had an invaluable impact on me, as well as so many others. My 
children love her like a grandmother and she loves them.

I could not have hand-picked a better role model for my life. She has imparted 
many priceless values that otherwise I would not have.

She sets the bar for us kids so high, that often we never reach it. You never 
quite know if it is a setup, or if she just sees something more in us than what 
we see in ourselves. We continue to reach though, simply because we love her. 
And when we make her smile, the world lights up.

You may be a little confused as to why I have written this in present tense. Our 

hearts ache because we cannot see her with our eyes, hear her with our ears. 
We miss her greatly and we are saddened by her absence in our day to day 
life.

But our comfort is in this… that May 23^rd of this year was not the end of Kathy’s 

journey. Her love and proclamation of J’sus as a savior renders her a greater 

promise. She is alive, fully alive. What we know in part, she now knows in full.

Any earthly trial, worry, or sorrow is not even a memory. She is now complete. 

She has not only tasted His excellence, she now dwells in it. Basking in His 

goodness, His perfection. She is experiencing what unconditional love is.

We can speculate that heaven is a bit more lively and intriguing with her there, 

to say the least. We can picture in our minds the embrace she experienced 

when her father, Gigi, and Crystal welcomed her.

I know that no matter how much I have prepared to say, it could never do 

Kathy justice. My story will always fall short of all she has to offer, all that 

she has been, all that she is now.

We can’t pick up the phone and call, we cannot sit down and have dinner with 
her. We have a cohort missing in the ranks. We will have to wait to form another 
great conspiracy.It will be a little while before we can once again feel her arms 
around our neck, but we are convinced that it will indeed happen.

Think on this and be glad for her. How wonderfully flawless she became when 
she was ushered into G’d’s presence by angels and heard these words: “Well 
done, good and faithful servant. Come and share your master’s happiness!” 

Friends

 The other day I heard someone I think is very beautiful say, "I finally have pictures that I don't hate myself in." I related so well (because I often think the same thing), but it hurt me to the core. We all need to find our worth. What makes something valuable? How rare it is, and how much is someone willing to pay for it. J'sus and his blood was the most valuable commodity on this earth, and G'd found you so precious that He sent J'sus to shed his blood for you. You have been purchased, by the most priceless thing ever created. You are not bound by your upbringing, your parents, or any curse *if you have surrendered to Him.* You are unique, consider your fingerprints and your retinas...there is only one you, and that makes you rare! 1 Peter 1:13-23 Much love to you today, you were knit in secret, and you are His masterpiece!! I am so thankful that G'd created you!

Complete Surrender

I write to you today, that I am completely surrendered to the WILL OF G'D.

I have banished the scale, I truly have no idea where I am on the scale. I have no
plans as to when I will get back on one. I am learning to be free.

I am erasing every worldly perception as to how I am to act, eat, etc. I can not
live a life with half of me and half of Him. It doesn't work that way. I already
know that all me doesn't work, so I have to trust that all Him will.

I tried to mix the Carbohydrate Addicts Diet and the Maker's Diet. That does
not work. I kept hearing in the back of my brain, you are still not being free.
You are still doing this with you. 

I have to stop telling myself lies.
LIE...
I have no control.
TRUTH...
2 Timothy 1:7  For God has not given us a spirit of fear and 
timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

2 Peter 1: 3-9  His divine power has granted to us all things 
that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge 
of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by 
which he has granted to us his precious and very great 
promises, so that through them you may become partakers 
of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption 
that is in the world because of sinful desire. 5 For this very 
reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with 
virtue,[e] and virtue with knowledge, 6 and knowledge with 
self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and 
steadfastness with godliness,7 and godliness with brotherly 
affection, and brotherly affection with love. 8 For if these 
qualities[f] are yours and are increasing, they keep you 
from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our 
Lord Jesus Christ. 9 For whoever lacks these qualities is so 
nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was 
cleansed from his former sins.


So I am sorry, if you feel as though I have let you down. I have no idea exactly
where this road goes, except that it's going to a good place. I believe that the bible
is the infallible WORD OF G'D. I have already proven a million times over, my
plans are not good plans and that the worlds plans are not good plans.

I want balance. I want freedom. I want good for me and my family. I do not want
the worry and fear anymore. I do not want my children growing up with the world's
perception of what is right or wrong. Whether they are fat, or pretty, or complete.

I am not a number on a scale! My beauty comes from within and shines out!

I started a notebook today With 4 keys of becoming "Truly Beautiful." Start one
for yourself!

KEYS:

#1 Renew Your Mind (to what the bible says you are what you have, and what you
                                  can do. This requires work. Get into the word and write down
                                  every promise that pertains to you.)
#2 Recognize Your Lies ( write down every lie you tell yourself. I am fat, I am ugly, I
                                      have a lazy spirit, I am ugly on the inside, I have bad hair, I
                                      can't manage my household chores, I'm tired, I don't feel good,
                                      this hurts, I can not get through to my kids...what ever you are
                                      saying that directly contradicts what the word says)
#3 Take Every Thought Captive (Every time you hear a contrary thought back it up by
                                      speaking what The Word says. Example: Thought 'I am 
                                      ugly' say out loud "I am beautifully and wonderfully 
                                      made PS 139:14)
#4 Change Your Confessions (replace every lie with truth. Confess them every
                                      morning, noon, and night. What you have today is what
                                      you said yesterday. So what you say today you will have
                                      tomorrow. What you say determines what you believe.)

I love you. I hope that you can forgive me for being double minded. I just need to
find the right path and I am willing to share it... GOOD OR BAD!

HUGGZZ

Not #100days...It's a Lifetime

After seeking His will about this #100 thing, I realized there was no way that
I could do it without glorifying myself, or simply the things that He does. It is
not 100 days, it's a life time.

I prepared a video, so that I could speak directly to you.

I will be posting my food again as of tomorrow.

HUGGZ

#100 Starts Tomorrow?

I initially thought that I was ready to just jump on the band wagon and do this
100 day thing. I tried to grabbed the bull by the horns a little too quickly. It was
really silly to try and do this on a Sabbath for one.

My challah bread came out so beautifully last night! It took me several tries, but I may
actually have it down now. I go a little extra for our Shabbat dinners, and avoiding the
spread would have been a bit painful!

I also didn't think about having guest tonight for dinner. I just am not just going to
serve them a whole food meal! I am going to dote on them being with us. I also am
not going to deprive myself.

To  fully think this out, I am thinking that Sunday is a better day to actually
start. I also am thinking that I should have a back up plan for days that provide
stumbling blocks, like next week's event at church.

So, in my heart of hearts, I am planning on giving this 120%. As I go from carb
addict, to a completely delivered person...In J'sus Name. I don't want to gain weight
during this transformation either.

I tried six times this morning to make a video for you, I have found another area
in my life that could use some work! Yea! Public speaking! Hee Hee

Have an awesome day!
HUGGZ

#100DAYS

Last night I was watching this video of a mom and daughter duo committing to
100 days of fitness. I thought 'hmm, I love a challenge.' I made a list of things
that are changing or still need changing in my life.

*Less of me, more of Him.
*Weight loss.
*Deliverance of addictions (food and tobacco)
*Becoming a G'dly mother and wife.
*Effectively ministering to and loving the people around me.

It also got me to thinking, about how many days it takes to form a habit, or
even break a habit. Some say twenty-one days, some say more like 266 days.
One hundred is right there almost in the middle.

I had a verse to meditate on last night, Romans 8:37 ( Nay, in all these 
things we are more than conquerors through Him that 
loved us.) Through out the night 100 possibilities of 100 days ran through my
brain.

During prayer this morning, it was revealed that this was my own en devour.
That it was good, and permissible, but this is my idea. If I am to fail, He will still be
here to pick me up. I want G'd to be glorified through every I set myself to do,
because He is the power within me.

So how about #100 days of setting Him before me? As I approached this take
on it, I sensed His presence.  So for the next #100 days:

*I will continue to seek His face. Developing a relationship with the author of my
life. (2-3 hours a day reading, meditating, and hearing His word. No secular movies,
shows, music etc.) Just constantly putting Him first, listening to praise music through
out the day as I am doing chores or writing to you.

*Continue to seek out and confess over myself, His truth. Aspiring to only eat
unprocessed, whole foods...that fuel my body. I will only drink water, coffee,
lemon water, cucumber water, etc. No sugar.

*Every week I will add 5 minutes to my exercise, starting at 15 minutes today.

*Every week I will smoke one less cigarette a day. Yesterday I smoked seven,
I think, but today and though the rest of the week I will limit myself to 6, then
next week 5. I almost feel as this is a silly ambition, because I know that I have
already been delivered from the actual addiction, so I am expecting any day for
it to disappear from my sight anyways.

Romans 12:1-2 says: I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the 
mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, 
holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed 

by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that 

good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

This is my focus passage for this 100 days. If anyone wants to tag along, let me know.

I would be especially interested what He is doing in your life also! 

Here is my Day 1 video. It was actually the first video I think I've ever made of

myself, so please be kind. Remember I am not perfect. I am not trying to be. I am 

just a work in progress. 

Have an awesome day! HUGGZZ

UPDATE

The reason my update has been taking so long, is because I'm still
figuring some things out. I am not even sure when I'm going to weigh
again. The scale has been stowed away.

As you might know, I went through a time of fasting. Ever since April
7th, my whole person has been changing, from the inside out. I have a
peace about my future, I have more ambition, and almost constant joy.

I've experienced deliverance in so many different ways that I can not
express fully or list completely everything at one time. I know that you
all want to talk about food though....

The first two days of the fast it was impress on me, to completely not
worry at all about food. I ate what I wanted, but by the 3rd day He
started to impress upon me unprocessed foods with no sugar or meat.
The 5th, 6th, and 7th day I cleansed my body with fruits, veggies, and
brown rice.

Now here's where the majority of you walk away. I am not any kind of
plan. I am trusting the L'rd and confessing over my body the promises I
have in Him.

What is firm I am completely Kosher (not rabbinical), refraining from pork
and shellfish.

The exception: if I were to be at someone's home and they had prepared
for me food, and did not know...I will accept as to not offend or hinder.
The majority of my food is unprocessed. This is a day by day stepping
out into faith. Believing that my chains are gone and I am set free.

The understanding: All is okay for me. There is no condemnation for those
in Chr'st.

The confession: I do not crave processed foods or cigarettes any more,
because they do not do me any good. I do crave whole foods (G'd's foods),
that fuel my body and keep me prepared to run the race.

This has really been a process for me. First I received the word, then I heard
the word, now I am apply it. If you are still with me then I strongly suggest
watching this.

Honestly, I started to gain a little back. Everyday though I see that with continually
confessing over my body G'd's will and truth, things are changing faster than I can
write.

Everyday I am making better choices. I am not craving the things that are usually my
stumbling blocks. You may say that it is mind over matter, but it is more spirit over
soul and body.

I have more and more energy every day. Chores are getting done, and I even find it
hard to sit for long periods of time. Know that this is so much more than food and
cigarettes. It is being a G'dly mother and wife. It is having forethought for what needs
to be done and how to bless others around me. It is how to act in love no matter what,
being slow to speak and get angry, being quick to listen.

I spend about 2-4 hours in the Word a day. Then meditate on it through out the day.
Setting Him before me, I have developed a relationship with Him that supersedes any
other.

Have an awesome day!
HUGGZ

Oh Where Do I Start?

I keep procrastinating on updating this blog, because so much has happened
in the past few weeks. As you know, I have been learning about being a G'dly
mother and wife. I felt as though G'd was telling me to stay home, and He'd
bless me and my husband for our obedience.

I wasn't expecting Hubby to be on board with this. We have seven children,
hence the title Razing7. We have only been married ten months, and been
together just over 2 years.

I've been telling him lately, that he married the worst of me. I was super
confused, wounded, thought I was depressed...but guess I was just feeling
defeated in everything.

Early on in this year, we had a chat about doing just being obedient. We had
given G'd control of a lot of other things, and He worked them out (especially
even getting involved with each other, after both having 2 previous failed marriages).
Now it was time to take more faith steps.

We agreed to cleave to each other, and refuse financial help from parents, with
the intent that I was going to stay home and learn how to do this, and do it right.
We knew it would be hard, and it is still, but we are seeing G'd's promises come
to light.

Before I tell you how, let me tell you what happened! In less than 3 weeks:

I said "Goodbye" to cigarettes.
I said "Hello" to another WOE, and even without the cigarettes have continued to lose.
(now at 278.0 which is -45 lbs)
Hubby got a job offer...more money better hours...and didn't even apply!
I have not lost my temper or rarely raised my voice with my kids in over a week.
Hubby started going to church.
**ALL OF THE ABOVE ARE MINOR COMPARED TO THE RELATIONSHIP,
I AM STARTING TO HAVE WITH G'D!**
This is just some of the things here at home, not the people on my prayer list...
The Outcome Has Been More Than Amazing!

It all really started with quitting Facebook games! Then 2 weeks after that I felt
like I should fast Facebook all together and get into G'd's word. I am aware, that
I just lost half of my audience...but if you are trying to hear G'd remove the stumbling
blocks!

On day 2 of the fast I found a great preacher, day 3 I started the most life changing
series I ever have heard. On day 4 I started looking for a new way of eating. Day 10
smoked my last cigarette.

Here is the link to the first part:  Developing Your Spirit Man Part 1
You can search for the next parts, there is 15 in all.

Now it's up to you. Remove the stumbling block, and seek His face.

HUGGZZ

Just Checking In

My post yesterday was relatively short. I spoke about new revelations, there are
so many. Spirit, soul, and body, are being dealt with! I can't tell you how excited
I am to share with you this report today...the scale read:
                                                           279.4
                      That is a total of -43.6 lbs!


This is not following any plan written exclusively, by man! The instructions have
been here for centuries, actually thousands of years!

I leave you with this:

HUGGZZ!!

On To Something Great!

I have been on a renewing period of my life. I will be back shortly. I am
composing a symphony of words, of what life is becoming for me. For
those that follow me for weight loss, don't go ANYWHERE!!
HUGGZZZ

Trying To Motivate

I went to bed last night at 7:30 pm. I would love to get rid of this illness, bleh,
I feel icky! My nose runs like it wants to join the Olympics, my throat feels
like I swallowed cotton before removing the burs, and my eyes keep a weird
rhythm as they twitch and water.

I'm not complaining! Better I be down now then when the summer hits. I just
won't have time for it. I went for a short walk yesterday despite the way I felt.
I don't want to waste another nice day, the weather lately has made me appreciate
the warm sunshine.

I am so bored when I walk! I think I need to download some sermons to get my
mind off of how far I've got left. I love music, and it helps some, but I'd love
to get out of my head and just walk. If anyone has any ideas, I'd be open to it.

I was so hoping to hit the 270's today, but it didn't happen. Maybe tomorrow.
Today is organized exercise day, YUCK! I've been rotating so hopefully I can
endure the boring crap. I know I need to tone, I just hope that eventually I will
enjoy it. I like the thought of it, but that doesn't get me up and going.

Time to stop procrastinating and get to it, then off to the grocery store!

Have an awesome day everyone!

HUGGZZ

I Can Almost Taste It

Half The Girl

Weight 280.5                    Total: -42.5

I guess your will has to be stronger than your body's. My first thirty pounds seemed
to melt off, but I've been bouncing in the 280's since November. Granted there were
a lot of off time with the Holidays, but it's time to move on.

Now I am so close to the 270's, I can almost taste it. Hopefully, my body will start
to comply and realize that we are trying to LOSE! At least I know once I get where
I want to be, maintenance should be a breeze!

I can only think of 2 things I did differently yesterday. I drank a couple cups of green
tea, because with being sick I wanted warm fluids and I didn't want more coffee. I also
had 3 hard boiled eggs for a late breakfast (or CM snack).

My reward meal consisted of a spinach salad, left over spaghetti, and 2 pieces of vanilla
chocolate. I did exercise a bit also with the XBOX Your Body game, but not for long.

I'm not sure how much that would've made a difference. I did have some overwhelming
cravings last night, but I account that to being sick and wanting comfort foods. The only
thing that saved me, was having to go out in the chilly rain, to forage for it.

I'm really glad that I didn't have pizza and ice cream on hand! It was so nice to see a
drop in the numbers, and hitting a new low.

I've been carousing the success stories on MyFitnesspal.com again. I need to stay
focused on other people's achievements, it inspires me to keep chugging along.

So cheers for me, and cheers for The Carbohydrate Addict's Diet!

Have an awesome day!

HUGGZZ

Officially Sick

For the third time in a month, I am yet sick AGAIN! Throw in a week for my
cycle, and the whole past month has been quite crappy! It is draining me, when
I sleep I feel like I'm drowning, when I sit up my head bangs and nose runs. UGH!

The living room is still not painted, maybe today after the kids get back from church.
This will be the second week in a row I missed, last week Jude was too sick (and he
still is) to go to nursery.

Tonight is the season finale for the walking dead...ahh bittersweet! I can't believe we
have to wait until October for the next season! That is just too too long! Oh and by the
way:

Ha ha! Had to do it!

Half The Girl

Last night I took a walk with Hope. It was probably close to a mile. It was so
nice outside, wet, but nice.

The scale has pretty much stayed the same, with a .2 increase. I'm totally at a loss.
No matter how I go at it, it stays the same. A decrease in pant size, but a halt on the
scale.

For my meal yesterday I had:
Spinach salad (cukes, tomato, raisins, almonds, fried onions, ranch)
2 baked leg quarters with BBQ to dip
garlic bread
roasted redskin potatoes
lima beans
apple sauce
piece of vanilla chocolate

So today, I'm going back to the 3 meal plan, but staying with the RM at lunch.
Maybe an RM and two snacks. Lots of water and some cucumber water, that
I have had in the fridge chilling. Hopefully I can "confuse it to lose it." Also, no
bad carbohydrates for me.

If it's not complex, it's not going to be eaten...at least for a while.

Hope you all have an awesome day!
HUGGZ

Spring Cleaning

I am motivated this morning to get this house clean and together. The kids have
school today, as a make up day for all the snow we've had this year. So, I'm going
to have to do it alone while trying to keep a 3 year old in check.

I need to do it though. I want to get a few more kids to watch. After all I'm going
to be need some newer clothes!

To get this house ready, we need to finish painting and put the new carpet in.
Hopefully I can have everything done by the time the kids get home so that I can
finish painting the living room and have that knocked off the list. Hope springs
eternal...right?!

We've decided to continue living in this house, and the Landlord is helping us
repair our credit so that we can buy it (fingers crossed) this next coming year.
We had been up in the air about it, but decided that it was the right choice.

Now that the decision has been finally made, I'm ready to start making it mine.

We made pine cone bird feeders yesterday, the girls enjoyed being able to make
a mess. I still want to make the 2 liter birdhouses, but I'm thinking it might be too
late in the season for them to be inhabited.

Half The Girl
Weight: 282  lbs                    Total Loss: -41 lbs
I weighed myself again this morning and again I am at the exact same. I promptly
went back to the bedroom and put on the size 18's that have been sitting in my
closet for years. I feel a little better.

I noticed this morning that my saddle bags are not as pronounced as they once were.
There's another change that is noticeable. It would still be nice to see that number go
down more.

I even gave in to some exercise yesterday. I got out the Your Body and XBOX Sports
and played for about 30 minutes.

My meal was not as satisfying though. I had planned to have some ribs, but they
just didn't taste right, so I tried a can of soup. That also didn't taste right.

2 grilled cheese on wheat
bowl of Golden grams
pork rinds
cheddar popcorn
1/2 Butterfinger

Not the meal of champions, but it sustained me. I did snack on some baked chicken
and pork rinds later in the evening. I didn't feel like I had to, but the chicken Hubby
made last night smelled so so good!

I don't really have a plan for today, and that is not good. I will have a salad, but
beyond that I am not sure.

Have an awesome day everyone, and see you tomorrow!

HUGGZZ

Baffled

I am really confused this morning. It was weigh in day and I am still at 282 pounds, 

but last night I was able to fit a pair of size 18's. This is the first time in over fifteen

years I have been able to fit in anything that size.

If I had been exercising, I could understand that building muscle weighs more than

fat. Therefore thinning out but staying the same weight. Other than cleaning though,

I haven't been exercising at all.

I guess I just keep trucking on, what else is there to do.

Hope you have an awesome day. I'll be back tomorrow, hopefully with something to 

say!

HUGGZZ

Time Lost

I really don't like sleeping in. I feel like I don't get those moments to wake
up and get the right perspective for the day. I started my day just this way.

I usually wake up around 4 or 4:30 am, which gives me a few hours to
come alive. Get inspired, do devotions, pray, play guitar...just "me time."
All the things that there is never time or enough quiet to just enjoy with
seven awesome kids to do for.

I got up around 6:30, and before I could get my coffee and sit down, Bella
was up then Jude came running out of "shoot number four," chattering. I think
he was trying to make up for yesterday when he moped around sickly all day.

Have you ever heard a really loud bass and it makes your ears feel funny?
That's what all the noise feels like when I have just woken up. It's an irritating
feeling, and I tend to be more grumpy when I feel it. I don't mean to be, and I
tend to be silent and grit my teeth, because even the sound of my voice does it.

Half The Girl
Tomorrow is weighing day! Whoot whoot!! Hopefully, it will be a great report.
This is day five, completely on the plan. I did however eat whatever I wanted
yesterday during my RM, it wasn't as balanced as usual. It's the end of the month,
so my choices are limited.

Here it is:
1/4 link of kielbasa
tater tots
2 egg rolls
spinach salad (cukes, tomatoes, black olives, beets, bacon pieces, ranch, fried onions)
cookies and milk

I think the sodium count was too high, because I felt fat after I ate it, even into this
morning. I'm sure the Pork Cracklins I nibbled on during 47 Ronin didn't help. But
at least it was a better choice than the popcorn Hubby was snacking on!

Today's plan is a spinach salad (same as yesterday), steak, sauteed cabbage, and fruit.
I just happened to find a steak I bought a few weeks ago in the freezer last night. YEA!

Have an awesome day! Thanks for checking in, I'll be back tomorrow!
HUGGZZ

Going Good

Half The Girl
Just wanted to throw in a quick note for those who are following me.

I am really surprised today, how much I left on my plate. In 4 days only once did I
include a real sweet, which was a little less than a cup of ice cream.

I am also really surprised by my choices thus far, one would think that I'd be running
for any kind of carbohydrate. Since I've been doing the one meal a day, my choices
have been fabulous, if I do say so myself.

Today's meal included:
*a nice spinach salad (cukes, tomatoes, pickled beets, black olives, ranch, Parmesan,
and ranch)
*3/4 of tuna salad sandwich on 12 grain bread
* 1/3 can of mixed fruit (light syrup),
*1/2 cup sweet potato mashers
*1/2 sauteed cabbage
*piece of 12 grain with real butter

The excitement of weighing on Friday is building!

HUGGZZ

Riding Along

Half The Girl
This is the third day back up on that horse! I had to do some changing around,
but so far it's working. I have gone to one meal a day for the time being. It has
worked great so far, though I haven't weighed.

I feel more clear, and the cravings are gone. My RM is around the same time
that I had been feeling those overwhelming urges, around 2 or 3 pm. I also have
some low carb snack items (such as pork rinds, celery/cream cheese, lunch meat)
for an immediate catch if I need it. I will probably continue to do just this.

The first day my meal consisted of left over spaghetti with wheat noodles, pretzel
sticks dipped in peanut butter and honey, and watermelon. I had other things to
pick from if I was still hungry, but was satisfied and it lasted me through the night.

Yesterday I had a 6oz sirloin with about 4 cups of fresh green beans (that I had left
simmering all night and seasoned with bacon), an apple, an orange, and a cup of
ice cream. Again lasted me through the night and was even able to watch the kids
eat dinner plus refuse popcorn while we watched The Walking Dead.

Plans for today. Baked chicken from last night, roasted potatoes, more green
beans, and fruit. If I feel like I need it I'll grab a snack!

There it is in a nutshell, I am NOT giving up! I am riding along happily. The
plan is to weigh again on Friday since it is that time of the month, it wouldn't
be accurate anyways.

Have an awesome day!
HUGGZZ

Hope For Today

Most of yesterday it felt as if I had a vice on my head. The only way I could
explain it to you would be, imagine a claw machine picking a stuffed animal up
by the top of the head.

I did manage to "work" with Hope, our new puppy. After seeing how she acted
this week at the veterinarian's office, I realized what a special pup she really is.
I had already been teaching her a lot of cues and tricks, because I wanted her
to be a good, obedient pet.

In just over a month she has learned how to sit, shake, lay down, go night-night
(get in her kennel), sit pretty, talk, fetch, return, drop, come and more! If I could
just get her completely potty trained we can achieve anything!

We have another older adopted furry named Hambone, which I've mentioned
before. He is a great dog, but hard headed and strong willed. Add some hound
to that with some age, it equals hard to train. (We are still working though also-
not giving up on him)

To the point... everyone else in that waiting room had ballistic animals. Very little
training, jumping, pulling, barking, and leashed. Hope on the other hand was very
calm, attentive to my voice, minding her cues, quiet, and completely unleashed. She
being only 3 months old screams to me "SPECIAL!"

Now I have been looking into training her as a therapy dog, adding quite a list to the
things we need to learn. I have high hopes for this girl we named "Hope."

Half The Girl

I, as of yet, have not been able to stay on track. I start strong in the morning,
but by about 2 or 3 pm, I am craving carbohydrates. I have been trying to keep
a mental image of what I would like to accomplish by fall, but it is hard to see
when your body and mind is saying something different.

It is taking everything I have not to picture myself as a failure, so that I can try
again the next day. I'm not on a pitty potty, I'm not looking for sympathy. I am
just putting out there what is going on with me.

For the first couple of months I had a hard time sympathizing with everyone
else in my support group, that was having issues getting up and staying up. I
couldn't understand their weakness. I was doing it, so could they, it's such an
easy plan!

Now I'm eating those thoughts and irritation, with a big naughty dose of carbs
everyday. I haven't weighed, I don't want to know.

This is what I am going to say though. Today is a new day. If I fail today,
tomorrow will be a new day. I AM going to get there. I am NOT going to
give up!

Have an awesome day!

HUGGZ

Irritated By Circumstance

I am becoming increasingly irritated by not being able to get back on my WOE.
Again, I am having to postpone. It appears I have a UTI and the need to eat
lots of yogurt and drink cranberry juice is vital.

I  woke up this morning at 2 am with indigestion. I haven't felt like this since
before I started The Carbohydrate Addict's Diet. To some it may seem trivial,
but as a carb addict, I am almost in full panic!

I need to figure out the best way of eating through this. Apparently pizza and
cupcakes, are not it! Popcorn and chocolate covered mints are not either!

My husband acts like he's all happy again. He's had a snacking movie partner
for the past week. I'm so over it though. I feel out of control. My schedule has
shifted again, and I am screaming on the inside.

I tried to quit smoking yesterday. By 5 pm I felt like my skin was crawling, I felt
weak, and disoriented. Oh, and a headache!! Almost every cigarette, I am literally
asking G'd to take the desire away. I see some differences.

I rarely can smoke a whole cigarette at one sitting. After I smoke I feel like I need
to brush my teeth to get the taste out, and am finding the smell atrocious.

Maybe, just maybe, it's on the way out the door. I  hope so. I'm tired of burning
money!

I hope your day is awesome!

HUGGZZ

The Damage

Not much to say, except I am feeling much better. I am feeling quite drained
from being sick, though it may also have something to do with not being on plan.

Half The Girl

I weighed in this morning. I have full intentions of getting back on plan. The scale
shows a 4.6 lb increase. I am okay with that and was fully prepared emotionally
and mentally.

It's really not that bad at all, but does confirm that I need to stay as closely as possible,
even when sick, to the plan. Spring it peeking it's head around the corner, I am excited
about this year's spring, summer, and fall. I have so much to do, I am only short of
getting a bike!

Stumbling Blocks And Time Suckers

Yesterday was a beautiful 70 degree day. I wanted so badly to take the
kids and dogs for a walk on the beach. Another wasted day it feels like.
I let the kids' behavior, and my addiction to Bejeweled Blitz steal it.

After that realization, I made a decision. That there would be no more FB games
except for Scrabble. Solely because though I have been a "Wordie" for most
of my life, it enriches me and doesn't consume me or a major amounts of my time
or money.

I have gotten into a habit of spending money on tokens every week to play
parties with a "Bejeweled family" I am a part of. Tsk, tsk...now not only am
I not a good steward with my time, but now I'm giving valuable money to
already billionaires!

Moderation has never been a friend to me. It's always been about all or nothing.
If I go off a little, might as well go off all the way. So look out family and world,
my time has been freed up to do some great things! I plan on consuming my time
with writing, not only stories, blogging, and an autobiography but also music.

Yesterday was the first time in years that I have written lyrics and it was the first
time ever that I wrote those lyrics to actual music. During guitar practice I was
inspired just muddle around with a melody. I didn't think it was much, but later
after dinner my daughter brought me the guitar and asked me to sing the song I
was playing earlier.

I didn't know she was even listening, and I was struck. As I played it and was talking
to her about the lyrics not being finished, my Hubby had his ear in our conversation.
After I played it through he remarks "I'm hearing a strumming pattern that goes with
that."

I have to admit my strumming is not that great. I'm probably going to be more of a
"picker." Here's the kicker though. In 10 minutes I grabbed the attention of an
audience. What could I accomplish with the loads of time NOT playing FB games?

I don't care if no one but my family hears or enjoys my writing whether it be stories,
books, or music. If I have given them something to remember me by, except for the
engraved memories of me *face glued to the computer screen*, it'll be worth it!

My interest are vast. I love upcycling, sewing, and so much more. I am merely
mediocre at any of those and have a short patience line with multiple steps to do
things the right way. Maybe I can improve in those areas also. But I love the voyage
in writing.

Today's blog was supposed to be about "marriage, divorce, and the believer." I
was going to retell a dream and the urgency I felt to "get up"  It's completely gone
into another direction. One that is probably equally important, but definitely not
planned.

I love you! Take a look at your life, if there is a stumbling block, just remove it,
life is just too short!

Half The Girl

Since today has already started on a fun sized Mounds bar with my
coffee, I doubt that I'll be getting back up on my "way of eating" today.
I'm shooting for tomorrow though, since I made it through a day without
fevers, headaches, and nausea.

HUGGZZ

The Milestone

I have to admit, I haven't been as faithful to my blog lately. The past
two weeks have been exceptionally hard. I have been sick twice in 2
weeks.

First with a stomach flu that had me down for 3 days. I had only a
short relief before I got hit again. This time it's some kind of viral
infection or flu. For the most part I've been feeling mildly crappy most
of the day, then super crap for the rest!

Low fevers at night, nausea, headaches...blah blah blah! I think Hubby
was getting a tad perturbed, until he realized "Hey...she really is sick!"

So, my birthday was kind of stinky, but it was the best birthday I have
had in a long time. Probably sounds silly. I HATE BIRTHDAYS! I
enjoy the cake, cards, and gifts (which didn't really happen this year);
but would gladly give that all away for my life not to be passing by so
quickly.

A week, or so, ago I decided that I would revel in this one. A
milestone birthday, I am 40. There will be no break downs like
when I turned 30, I will not hide in bed trying to keep away from
birthday wishes, and I was determined not to let my skin crawl
every time I heard someone say the number.

This year will be the year for reflection and thankfulness, because if
you had seen me twenty years ago, you would never had thought I'd
make it. Strung out on drugs, a liar, cheater, thief, hater, immoral,
conniving, the list goes on.

Several times my life was almost snuffed out, by different people at
different times. I woke up to my "runnin' partner" choking the life out
of me, then blacked out. When I woke up I asked him why, he said he
didn't know. When I asked him why he stopped, he said the same thing.

Once there were bullets flying right by my head, because the guy in the
car with me had done someone dirty. Another tried to rape me. When
I out smarted him he lifted me up by my neck. I came to when my feet
hit the ground, he stood there with his eyes as big as saucers (his hands
were in midair, and it appeared that they were being held by something
not seen).

I've had a mild stroke from drugs. I was attacked by a serial rapist (possible
killer), and got away.  This is just what I know of. Who knows what
happened during the times I can't remember?!

It'll be 20 years ago next year, that G'd himself reached down to me, poured
the healing blood of His son over my life, and let me start anew. He took the
desires away, and with his word mentored me to be all that I am today. Which
may not seem much, but it is so much more than what was previously destined!

So for my 40th birthday, I will rejoice in:

I am not only saved, redeemed, and forgiven. But I am also healed.

My kids are healthy and academically awesome. 3 out of 5 are saved,
baptized, and forming a personal relationship with G'd.

I have an great husband and happy marriage.

I live in a house that will one day be ours. Not a trailer, apartment,
    or hotel room.

I have found a way to get my weight down and keep it off.

I have 4 furry babies that fill my heart (and empty my wallet)!

I may not have everything I want, but I have more than I need.

Half the Girl

I haven't weighed lately. I'm really not stressing about it too much.
Being sick and sticking to a WOE sometimes doesn't go hand in
hand especially if your low carb'ing.

Last night I was so nauseated I could only handle sucking on some
gummy worms, that kind of coated my itchy throat. So after not eating
hardly at all last week, I'm basically just eating what I think I can handle.

Spring is here though! The birds are singing, and I am ready and raring to
get this show back on the road! I have a tentative goal of being in a size
18 by fall, or better.

Hope you have an awesome day! Find something to be thankful for, it'll
change your whole prospective!

HUGGZZ

Just Because It Is Hard

....don't quit. Life is hard, marriage is hard, parenting is hard. But anything worth having
is worked for.

I have my moments when I just want to give up, throw in the towel, and walk away.
I think those are the moments that you need to step away and take a few breaths, then
try to count your blessings. If you just step away and stew, it doesn't leave you with the
best prospective. Trying to remember why your doing it in the first place does.

We are all human. We fail. We all tend to lose our foresight every now and again. Every
morning I wake up with a plan of action, and by the time I've had my second cup of coffee
I can't remember what the plan was! Maybe that's because my plan was no good, and I
expect way too much out of myself.

Today since I am still on my first cup of coffee I remember most. Clean, clean, and
do two errands, then clean, clean, clean again! It is not the life I want, but it is the life
G'd has given me...and the benefits are pretty outta this world.

Truthfully, to date, I always fall short of my own expectations. Many days when I see
that I am no where near to it, I just throw my hands up. This changing roles thing has
been very hard.

I don't feel like I have the ability like I did 10 years ago. I spent most those years bringing
home the bacon, not cooking it. I look back at homeschooling my kids, and the structured
daily timeline, and it just boggles me to how we got it all done.

If you are struggling in life, all I can say is pray then do your best. You may feel like you're
about to drown at times, so remember to take a break and float for a while. Know that
you are not alone.

*P.s. If you are one of those woman that can do EVERYTHING and still keep her hair neat
buggar off! (HEE HEE)

Half The Girl

Ok I did it I took a peek at the scale. I was feeling kind of "bleh," and needed a pick me
up, so I rolled the dice and came out good. At the beginning of February I was back to
293.5 and as of yesterday I am down to 281.4 pounds.

That is a grand total of 41.6 pounds gone. YEA! I love The Carbohydrate Addicts Diet
so so much! It's nice to know that eventually I will be a size 16 or better again and never
have to be fat again.

My reward meal last night was so rewarding! I had a spinach salad with lots of toppings,
hot wings, Greek peach yogurt, cottage cheese, an apple, and a half of an apricot. Back
to the grind today though. Low carb, low carb!

Hope you all have an awesome day!!
HUGGZZ

My First Thought

The rising curiosity to step on the scale is intensifying! I would love to see the
number, but that number is so dangerous! I have so much energy right now, I
feel like I'm going to bust at the seams. I want to go for a walk, but the child I
watch in the mornings will be here any minute...

Yesterday and the day before were strictly low carb. Tonight though I plan to
have a hefty salad and something that I've been wanting. A toasted peanut butter
and honey sandwich on whole wheat. Plus, some cottage cheese and fruit.

Where I have been falling short...a few times this week I have just not wanted to
eat dinner, and just chose to go to bed and declined the food. I know I shouldn't
be skipping meals, and I notice that it is usually the 2nd day of low carb that I
feel like this. It also could be that it is the end of the month so my options are
less than normal.


His Faithfulness

I love that I have been waking up with a praise song in my head. My first thought
of the day is my creator and my savior. This morning it was a song by Plumb.
Though she wrote it about her son, it is also a great worship song.

Around The Town

I am really looking forward to my birthday this year. Which is odd, because I
have a distaste for them. I really surprise myself because I turn 40 this year,
and have been mentally dragging my feet to get to this day for years.

I had a friend give a great review for this new Mexican restaurant up the street,
so is that my pick for dinner. Then there is a Night Of Worship, at Regent University.
What better way to celebrate a dreaded year?

When I really think of it, I should be shouting from the hilltops, "I made it and I am
happy!" I can't wait to see what this year holds for us. A possible book published,
my first child turns 18, my littlest should be going to preschool, and I have found a
solution to my weight issues! If nothing else I found the way NOT to gain weight!

I haven't yet done my devotions for today, so I better scoot! Hope you have an
awesome day!


HUGGZZ