I know that if I were eating more salad, I would probably be losing more. Filling up on the good stuff and left less room for the other. Money has been tight, and last night Rob (my husband) offered to get us a pretzel burger for my reward meal. I declined, saying I'd rather spend the money getting some veggies for me.
I ended up eating with the kids, and he went out and got a pretzel burger. I feel a little abandoned by that. He is not happy when I have no energy to do shit, but overlooks the needs I have to have energy.
I am constantly feeling sad and displaced by my weight, and investing in my change is not worth it to him. I could have a $7 pretzel burger, but I can't have the $7 to buy raw spinach and celery? Is he trying to sabotage me? Does he feel like if I get to a more confident state that I'll leave him? I have no idea, what is driving him.
This is important to me. I need to be an effective wife and mother. I need to lose a little more than half of me, to extend my life so that I can see my children graduate, get married, have children and be their "Mamaw."
I need to not be in pain everyday, so when the kids get home from school we can jump in the car and go to the park, or go to the beach. So that when I die my kids will not just remember me sitting on the couch, but actually doing something to extend my life.
I do not want my kids to have the same quality of life that mine has become! I will NOT let anyone sabotage my efforts!
I WILL find a job, I will take care of my own needs. Let him ask me for a pretzel burger, and I will tell him that I will buy US some spinach and celery...but I'm not buying HIM a burger! I don't care if I have to eat eggs and green beans for a month until then!
To make this clear he did not SAY that he would not give me the money nor buy the things. This is how I FEEL, because the money wasn't handed to me and the things were not bought. I am going to have to ASK him again, when I've been TELLING him for a few days, that I was out of some important items from my diet. I also specifically said what I would rather have instead of the high sodium- can't be good for me- grease sponge.
I am specifically speaking about hearing him say he supports me with everything, and trying to see how he supports me at anything!
Know this! NO ONE is going to stop me! I am going to fight this fat to the very end!
HUGGZZ
I am creating a Carbohydrate Addict support and fan page...All are welcome to join!
Michele's Carbohydrate Addicts Support and Fan Page
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Complimentary Meal
3 hard boiled eggs
1/2 cup cottage cheese 1%
Complimentary Meal
2 servings of kielbasa (mustard to dip)
1 can spinach
Reward Meal
1 can green beans
1 serving kielbasa (mustard to dip)
1 cup yogurt
3 bites birthday cake ice cream (YUK)
1 poptart
2 cups coffee
4 1/2 liters water
10 minutes mild stretching
20 minutes Dance Central
2 hours at the park with kids
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